Jessica is one insanely clever bitch, y'all.
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Fill in numbers instead of Xs. Cut and paste with "I have done # of these things" in the cut tag.
I Have Done __ of These Things
[ ] I have a twin.
[ ] I have moved across the country, to a city both more glamourous and more confusing than the previous one.
[ ] I have an unseemly attachment to my overly long sideburns.
[ ] I drive or have driven a car with a vanity license plate indicating that it has eaten a lesser car.
[ ] I have or had a tendency to wear men's ties, or body suits.
[ ] I decided I was going to wait until marriage to have sex.
[ ] I changed my mind about that.
[ ] I offered my virginity to my crush on a merry-go-round and he turned me down.
[ ] I accidentally dated a bigot.
[ ] I live or have lived alone at the Bel Age Hotel.
[ ] I work or have worked at the local hamburger joint.
[ ] I work or have worked at the local hamburger joint in costume.
[ ] I was held up at the local hamburger joint and then had PTSD for about a week.
[ ] I was the DJ of my high school radio station.
[ ] My high school had a radio station.
[ ] I was addicted to diet pills.
[ ] I was addicted to crystal meth, but only because I was so busy.
[ ] I had a stalker.
[ ] My stalker moved in with me, copied my hair cut, tried to steal my boyfriend and then attempted to murder me, but make it look like suicide.
[ ] I have been in a burning building.
[ ] I have been in a burning building with a lesbian who later developed a crush on me, while I was trying to recover from my very stressful yet not at all visible burns.
[ ] I have been on the cover of a magazine or newspaper.
[ ] My mom decided she was a lesbian, but only after dating my girlfriend's father, the chancellor of my university.
[ ] I dated someone who later, like, totally trashed this awesome float I was making for homecoming.
[ ] I eventually briefly got back together with the person who trashed my float, despite her terrible haircut at the time.
[ ] I have eaten a Mega Burger.
[1] I've been to France.
[ ] I've impersonated a French person in France.
[ ] I've found out that someone I thought was dead in fact faked his death and is just in the Witness Protection Program.
[ ] My little sister turned into a streetwalking prostitute with a pimp named the distinctly non-threatening "Riggs."
[ ] I've been in a cult.
[ ] I have broken up with someone to the tune of "Losing My Religion."
[ ] I have worn the same dress as one of my friends to an important event, like the prom.
[2] Despite my mistakes, I have graduated.
[3] I have told someone I hate them and instructed them never to speak to me again.
[ ] I have had past-life regression indicating that I lived in the Old West.
[ ] I have attempted to purchase an egg.
[ ] I have fooled around or slept with: my RA; my advisor's wife; my high school drama teacher; my best friend's boyfriend; my girlfriend's best friend; someone in my employ (although she was a sex columnist); the doctor I had in rehab; a guy I met at the laundromat, despite being already married; someone named Stuart; the child of the man I thought ordered a hit on my Dad; a skanky chick who works at my record label; and/or Steve Sanders.
[4] I have chosen myself.
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