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August 04, 2008

Dolly Parton Is the HBIC

I went to my first Dolly Parton concert last night!  She was AMAZING and sparkly and shiny and charming as all get out.  I now want to wear big wigs and high heels 24/7 and also Bedazzle the crap out of everything I own.  Seriously.

And now, a list of instruments Dolly played last night, in no particular order:
  1. Acoustic guitar
  2. Electric guitar 
  3. Banjo 
  4. Fiddle 
  5. Harmonica 
  6. Recorder (!!!!) 
  7. Autoharp 
  8. Dulcimer 
  9. Tambourine 
  10. Piano   
So. Awesome.  Dolly is the BEST.

Go see her if you can!  You haven't lived until you have sung "9 to 5" with a venue full of people!

June 27, 2008

Maybe...Just One More Try

So I wrote this post on how great the George Michael concert was; and how much fun Carol, Heather (who has already written a stellar post on the event), the Blogless Brit and I had; and how we played Count All the Women Who Look Like Middle-Aged British Ladies On Holiday before the show started; and how we bought really cute yet overpriced concert t-shirts and formed our own WHAM! Army; and how amazing our seats were; and what was up with that guy in the flight suit (whom we cleverly dubbed Flight Suit) with the Nine Inch Nails patch and "FAITH" written in green glitter tape on his back; and why was it that at the George Michael concert in LOS ANGELES the only celebrity sighting was freaking Dr. Phil (who, according to our dear George, announced that he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there, to which the entire venue booed Dr. Phil's mustachioed ass, which was awesome) (oh, wait - we think we saw Loretta Devine, which would make sense since she is on Eli Stone and all, so there's two); and how I couldn't have loved George more when he forgot the words to the second verse of "Freedom! '90," and how when he sang "Kissing a Fool" and "Careless Whisper" I could have well died right there on the spot from sheer bliss, but then the unthinkable happened.

TypePad ate my post.

I know. I KNOW. BOO.

Well, that was the gist of the first post. This one? Oh, this one will be all about the photos I took. Specifically, the photos I took of a GM Fan Club member during intermission (yes, there was a 20-minute intermission, to which the Blogless Brit said, "He's 45. You need an intermission at that age.") Disclaimer: I took these with my cell phone so they're not the best-looking shots, but you'll get it. Behold!

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Okay, this was from the beginning of the concert. Look at that neat stage/monitor combo thing that looks like an unfurled carpet! Look at Giant George Michael! If you look closely, you will see two teeny tiny black lines near the center of the photo that look like an exclamation point. That was Real George Michael. Trust me on this.

Now for the goods, but first, an explanation. We happened to be seated around a bunch of GM Fan Club members who planned a big Happy Birthday singalong right before the end of intermission. They started talking to each other once the break began and naturally we couldn't help but eavesdrop on overhear their conversations. One woman had to be seen to be believed: imagine a Susan Powter-esque lady but with dark hair with a fresh-out-of-the-salon tan and in low-riding jeans AND a matching halter top, under which she wore her flesh-toned strapless bra which you couldn't help but notice because she had barely tied the back of her halter top to begin with. Seriously. Oh, and she and her equally tanned husband were wearing Hawaiian leis because the fan club members were supposed to wear them, but they were pretty much the only people in the entire place with them on. Ha.

Hawaiian Tan Lady was talking to some other people when she quickly turned away from them and bent over at the waist, which I think is the international sign for "Check out my tattoo!"

Me: "What is she showing them?"

Carol and Heather: "Her GEORGE MICHAEL TATTOO."

Me: "I NEED A PICTURE OF THIS."

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OH, YES. That is a GEORGE MICHAEL TATTOO on her LOWER BACK. She has a GEORGE MICHAEL TRAMP STAMP. Check out the thong tan and the glimpse of her strapless bra!

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I KNOW, RIGHT?

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This may be one of my most favorite cell phone photos ever. There's the Hawaiian Tan Couple in the foreground and, if you look at the center of the photo, you'll see Carol and Heather giving their respective thumbs up. HILARIOUS.

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Carol expressing her feelings over the memo passed out by the fan club members, which included instructions on what to do near the end of intermission as well as...

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...the lyrics to HAPPY FREAKING BIRTHDAY. You know, in case you didn't ALREADY KNOW THEM.

Ahem.

So, yeah. The concert was fantastic, and the people-watching beyond entertaining. Let me conclude this post with some photos I took during the "Freedom! '90" encore in which the video (directed by David Fincher - did you know that?) was broadcast on the monitors. Joy!

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Giant Christy Turlington!

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Giant Linda Evangelista! Oh, how I will always love the supermodels of the '90s!

June 07, 2008

Go Shawty, It's Your Birthday

It's Prince's birthday!  My favorite Purple One is turning fifty today!  I know, right?  I can't believe it myself.  He has more talent/brilliance/innate sexiness than people half his age.  In fact, this year Prince, Madonna AND Michael Jackson turn fifty freaking years old!  I can't wrap my head around that one at all.

Your homework for today: listen to "Purple Rain" and "Raspberry Beret," and, if you like, dance around the house to "Kiss."  Lady with sunglasses and veil optional.

May 21, 2008

Oh. My. GOD.

Look who I met last night!

Halloatesme











EEEEE!  It's only my ALL-TIME FAVORITE GROUP EVER!  I was so excited I could have died.

What's your favorite Hall & Oates song?  It's hard to pick just one but if I had to it would be "Say It Isn't So" or "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)."  I CAN'T PICK JUST ONE.

May 13, 2008

You'll Never Hear That Theme Song The Same Way Again

So! According to this article, composer John Williams thinks of lyrics before writing any music. Being that the latest Indiana Jones moving is coming out next week (which, EEEE!), please enjoy the heretofore unknown lyrics to the theme song of Raiders of the Lost Ark:

In-di-ana fucking Jones

In-di-ana motherfucking Jones

In-di-ana fucking Jones

Bite my ballsack you Nazis I'm Indiana fucking Jones

You're totally singing it RIGHT NOW, aren't you? I KNOW YOU ARE. Why? Because I AM TOO.

May 02, 2008

I Think I Need A Ticketvention

Hi, everyone - sorry for the lapse in writing.  I've been a bit swamped by Real Life but I hope to get back on the post-a-day horse soon.  I know, I know - I need to finish my travelogue first, and I WILL, okay?  Stop looking at me like that.  Okay, you can look at me like that; I deserve it. 

That said, I wanted to write today about how I usually am not a concert-going person (I go to maybe one a year) but somehow I now have tickets to the following upcoming concerts (okay, I shouldn't say "somehow" as if they magically appeared on my doorstep - that would have been nice, not to mention much, much cheaper):

Now all I am waiting for is for these guys to get around to announcing an L.A. date.  No, I am not kidding.

April 15, 2008

YAY!

They're here! They're here! Our George Michael tickets are here!

Gm_ticket_2

I'm SO EXCITED!

February 24, 2008

Take Me With U...To The Hospital

Oh my God, you guys: Prince is going to have hip replacement surgery!

Prince. Is getting. His hip replaced. His HIP! REPLACED! PRINCE!

I KNOW!

Don't worry, Prince Rogers Nelson - you will still be the sexiest M.F., artificial hip and all.

MonkeyGurl and Shannita, I look forward to your responses.

February 12, 2008

Vincent Price Is Probably Pissed, Too

Today is the day that the twenty-fifth anniversary edition of Thriller is being released and I have just one thing to say about it: I DO NOT APPROVE. Thriller is a perfect, perfect album, and I do not care to hear fools like Akon and will.i.am muck up the works. Seriously. How can those two make "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" better? What on Earth can freaking FERGIE contribute to "Beat It," unless we're talking about her face, which is just beat? I ask you.

HOWEVER, I may have to buy this and not for the remixes but for the bonus DVD which includes not only the landmark "Thriller" video but also Michael Jackson's unbelievable "Billie Jean" performance from the Motown TV special, which first aired in 1983. You know, the one where he breaks out the moonwalk for the first time. I remember watching it and being completely blown away. It still blows me away. Being that I just linked to the performance from YouTube, one could argue that I could just watch it there whenever I need a fix, but I kind of need it in my life. It will complete me.

Can I just buy the DVD?

February 11, 2008

My Favorite Grammy Moments

I do it every year: I say I won't watch the Grammys yet I inevitably have the show on in the background because I don't want to miss a great performance or, say, another Soy Bomb.  (Can you believe that was ten years ago?  Neither can I.)  You could say I get hooked in because of work, or to be more exact, my annual Grammy rant at work about who I hate: why this artist blows, why this other artist is a talentless, overrated, overexposed hack, you get the picture.  Like I said to my co-workers, 'Music makes me cranky.'  It does, at least in Grammy form, but there were a few moments last night that made up for the suckage.

  1. PRINCE!  Prince can do no wrong in my eyes.  NO WRONG.
  2. Morris Day and the TIme!  That was awesome.  I'm going to listen to "Jungle Love" all day.  I am not including the part when Rihanna starts singing because I'm about the one person on Earth who doesn't care for that "Umbrella" song. 
  3. Kanye West's performance - stupid sunglasses and all.  He is an arrogant ass, but I'll give credit where credit is due: he was great.  Too bad he burned off any goodwill he fostered within me from his emotional delivery of "Hey Mama" by being a total jackass later that night. 
  4. Vince Gill's on-stage shutting down of Kanye.  Hilarious.  Who knew he had it in him?
  5. The Herbie Hancock/Lang Lang/John Mauceri "Rhapsody in Blue" collaboration.  It made me cry, it was so good.  I promptly bought the 2007 recording by the Los Angeles Philharmonic (conducted by  Leonard Bernstein!) off iTunes.
  6. Amy Winehouse's via-satellite performance, but I loved her reaction to winning record of the year even more.  (Watch the clip here before it gets pulled - go to 1:41.)  She made me cry, too!  Damn you, Winehouse!  Now just stay clean and buy a new pair of ballet slippers.  Speaking of, Natalie Cole complained to a few local TV stations afterwards about Amy's win, saying she didn't approve of it because it was rewarding destructive behavior.  It kills me that I can't find a clip of this for your viewing pleasure, but I saw it with my own two eyes.  Oh, really, Natalie? 

Don't even get me started on the Steely Dan Part Deux moment that was Herbie Hancock's album of the year win.  I have great respect for Herbie - c'mon, he brought us "Rockit" - but an album of jazz covers of Joni Mitchell songs is the best album of the year?  Really?  I have no words.

August 2008

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iPod-a-Go-Go: My Latest iTunes Purchases

Wow. I Finally Changed My Book List.

Ring-A-Ding

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