So That Happened...

Fitness Mocked Simply

Oh, Basedow.

(Photo taken by Jenna at Laurie's book signing.)

Google Search Party Post #1

I thought it was high time for me to share some of the most amusing search terms recently used on Google that led unknowing people to this here blog.  What?  Everyone writes this post at least once, right?

• "bill medley throat surgery" - Because, as my trivia mates can confirm, I know a lot about the Righteous Brothers.  Apparently.
• "new car smell gives me a headache why" - To the person who was looking for this answer, I feel your pain.

And my new favorite of the bunch:

• "melissa joan hart glass eye" - I couldn't make that funnier if I tried.

I Have Done Four of These Things

Jessica is one insanely clever bitch, y'all.

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Fill in numbers instead of Xs. Cut and paste with "I have done # of these things" in the cut tag.

I Have Done __ of These Things

[ ] I have a twin.
[ ] I have moved across the country, to a city both more glamourous and more confusing than the previous one.
[ ] I have an unseemly attachment to my overly long sideburns.
[ ] I drive or have driven a car with a vanity license plate indicating that it has eaten a lesser car.
[ ] I have or had a tendency to wear men's ties, or body suits.
[ ] I decided I was going to wait until marriage to have sex.
[ ] I changed my mind about that.
[ ] I offered my virginity to my crush on a merry-go-round and he turned me down.
[ ] I accidentally dated a bigot.
[ ] I live or have lived alone at the Bel Age Hotel.
[ ] I work or have worked at the local hamburger joint.
[ ] I work or have worked at the local hamburger joint in costume.
[ ] I was held up at the local hamburger joint and then had PTSD for about a week.
[ ] I was the DJ of my high school radio station.
[ ] My high school had a radio station.
[ ] I was addicted to diet pills.
[ ] I was addicted to crystal meth, but only because I was so busy.
[ ] I had a stalker.
[ ] My stalker moved in with me, copied my hair cut, tried to steal my boyfriend and then attempted to murder me, but make it look like suicide.
[ ] I have been in a burning building.
[ ] I have been in a burning building with a lesbian who later developed a crush on me, while I was trying to recover from my very stressful yet not at all visible burns.
[ ] I have been on the cover of a magazine or newspaper.
[ ] My mom decided she was a lesbian, but only after dating my girlfriend's father, the chancellor of my university.
[ ] I dated someone who later, like, totally trashed this awesome float I was making for homecoming.
[ ] I eventually briefly got back together with the person who trashed my float, despite her terrible haircut at the time.
[ ] I have eaten a Mega Burger.
[1] I've been to France.
[ ] I've impersonated a French person in France.
[ ] I've found out that someone I thought was dead in fact faked his death and is just in the Witness Protection Program.
[ ] My little sister turned into a streetwalking prostitute with a pimp named the distinctly non-threatening "Riggs."
[ ] I've been in a cult.
[ ] I have broken up with someone to the tune of "Losing My Religion."
[ ] I have worn the same dress as one of my friends to an important event, like the prom.
[2] Despite my mistakes, I have graduated.
[3] I have told someone I hate them and instructed them never to speak to me again.
[ ] I have had past-life regression indicating that I lived in the Old West.
[ ] I have attempted to purchase an egg.
[ ] I have fooled around or slept with: my RA; my advisor's wife; my high school drama teacher; my best friend's boyfriend; my girlfriend's best friend; someone in my employ (although she was a sex columnist); the doctor I had in rehab; a guy I met at the laundromat, despite being already married; someone named Stuart; the child of the man I thought ordered a hit on my Dad; a skanky chick who works at my record label; and/or Steve Sanders.
[4] I have chosen myself.

Why Didn't I Think Of This?

The Queen brought this to my attention:

HILARIOUS.

Happy Easter!

I found this cartoon on Courtney's blog.  I think it's hilarious.

Oh My God, What The Hell Is THAT?!

Go visit my friend Mel and find out.

March Madness Mirth

I got such a kick out of the score box for the Bradley-Pittsburgh game yesterday.

KNEEL BEFORE THE BLACK ANGEL!

Anna is awesome for tipping me off to this site.

The Black Angel People Iced: Two Car Bombs Planted: Six Favorite Weapon Needles Arms Broken: Twenty Seven Eyes Gouged: Thirty Two Tongues Cut Off: None. Pathetic. Biggest Enemy: The Oaf Get Your HITMAN Name

It is totally unacceptable that I have not yet cut off any tongues.  What kind of hitman am I?

I'll get right on that.

Don't Hassel the Hoff

Just...DON'T.

Chuck Norris: Man, Myth, LEGEND

Chuck Norris Facts makes me laugh more than I can say.