So That Happened

Songs That Make Me Wish I Was Deaf

Dear Gwen,

"Wind Me Up" is a horrible song.  HORRIBLE. 

"The Lonely Goatherd" is my favorite song from The Sound of Music, and you have ruined it.  You have taken the Song That Was Uncool To Like and morphed it into some aural nightmare you call a record and, thus, turned it into something gullible kids will actually like, and not because of its general awesomeness, but just because it is associated with you.  "Wind Me Up" makes me want to throw things at the wall, it's so bad.  I'm galled that Rolling Stone says your use of "The Lonely Goatherd" actually works, because, really?  IT DOESN'T. 

You say The Sound of Music is your all-time favorite movie?  Well, way to pay your respects, Mrs. Rossdale.  Rodgers & Hammerstein are shaking their respective heads.  I for one hope Julie Andrews, the goatherd, the girl and goat high on the hill, and the girl's mama with the gleaming gloat open a can of musical whoop-ass on you.

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Dear Stacy Fergie,

Don't think you've emerged unscathed.  I've heard "Fergalicious," and DAMN do I regret it.  That song is hot buttered ass from beginning to end. 

I...I don't even know where to begin.  "Fergalicious" is such a mess.  I can't think of one good thing to say about it at ALL.  First, you ruin - RUIN! - the classic song "Give It All You Got" with your...rapping?  I think?  Maybe?

And then there are the "lyrics."  How long did it take you to come up with the line "I be up on the gym just working on my fitness," anyway?  A few minutes?  Did you need a dictionary?  I hope your fitness regimen includes a series of Kegel exercises so that you won't pee yourself again.

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Dear Toni Braxton,

I was so excited to buy the limited edition CD of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" issued by the U.S. Postal Service last week.  It was such a surprise to see when I bought my holiday stamps, and I couldn't wait to hear it.  The CD, you should know, is quite good.

Except for you.

Ms. Braxton, you tried to sexify "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."  No, REALLY, you did. 

You slowed it down and sang it very breathily and tried to make it all sultry.

Listen to me: it is NOT a sultry song.  "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" is fun and light and is meant to be played at ice-skating rinks or while one is decorating one's Christmas tree or wrapping presents.  Or, if you're Staples, buying school supplies, but that's another story.

I hate - HATE - what you did to the song so much, and I hope Johnny Mathis smites you down from wherever he may be.

The 24-Hour Bug

Yesterday I:

• drove ten miles on the freeway to work, only to realize that 1) increasing dizziness and 2) stomach cramps are pretty much signs that you should just go back to bed.
• made it home without crashing into anyone or anything.
• alternately slept and drank water the entire day.
• knit only sporadically, because each time I picked up the needles (I'm making a Clapotis for a Christmas gift) I grew exhausted and had to put them down.  I was too tired TO KNIT.  That's sad.
• mustered up enough energy to find out just what the HELL is going on with my laptop that was supposed to be returned to me over two weeks ago.  After giving a supervisor whatfor, I learned that it will take another five to seven business days before my laptop is shipped back to me.  BAH.
• watched a lot of the Discovery Channel and developed a crush on Bear Grylls of Man vs. Wild.  Don't worry, Mike Rowe - you're still my number one Discovery guy.
• hoped I will feel much more like myself very soon.

My Hoaloha Lori

"E komo mai."

And so began Lori's memorial service.  It was one of the most personal services I have ever attended: Lori's faith in God, her love of movies and song, and last but certainly not least, her pure Hawaiian spirit, were meshed into a true celebration of a life taken far too soon.  I loved that her church allowed such secular elements as movie clips in the service; I can't imagine other churches being so flexible.  We laughed and cried, but most of all we remembered Lori, and we loved her.

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My favorite part was when Lori's sister, Allison (who was accompanied by Peggy, one of her hula sisters), performed a hula to one of Lori's favorite Hawaiian songs.  I know this will sound cheesy, but the piece was such an honest and pure expression of love that it made me cry.  I'll never forget it.

Allison and Peggy danced to E Kailua E by Justin Kawika Young, and it holds special meaning for the family as Kailua Bay is where their father's ashes were scattered.  Lori made it known that she wanted her ashes scattered there as well.

Aloha no, e ku'u home nani (Greetings, my beautiful home)
He makana mai ka lani mai (You are a gift from heaven)
Pumehana ko 'aka (I am warmed by your smile)
E Kailua e (Kailua)

I must leave you now
But my heart somehow will stay
In your arms forever

Noho 'oe me ka hanohano (You sit proudly)
Maluhia na Ko'olau (Resting near the Ko'olau mountains)
Pumehana ko 'aka (I am warmed by your smile)
E Kailua e (Kailua)

Eia no ka hali'a (You bring memories)
Ka leo makani aheahe (Speaking in your gentle breeze)
Pumehana ko 'aka (I am warmed by your smile)
E Kailua e (Kailua)

Ha'ina 'ia mai ana ka puana (Tell the refrain)
Pumehana ko 'aka (I am warmed by your smile)
E Kailua e (Kailua)

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Following the service there was, of course, a great deal of Hawaiian food.  We were all coaxed into taking some home, and I now have two take-out containers of yummy Hawaiian food sitting in my refrigerator.  I laugh thinking about everyone packing up food before leaving, just because Lori wouldn't have had it any other way.  Kau kau! (Eat!), she would say.

Mahalo nui loa, Lori.  I love and will miss you very much.

I Dote Therefore I Am (An Aunt)

I'm sorry, but...

...my nieces really and truly are...

...the most gorgeous girls I have ever seen.

44-24

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

That is all.

One Solution to the Power Crisis

I AM SO TIRED HOW MUCH ENERGY CAN A TWO-YEAR-OLD HAVE ISN'T IT TIME TO SLEEP YET?!

Also, I tuned in twice to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and can you guess who was on my screen?

Neil Patrick Harris AND Hall & Oates.

Awesome.

Thanksgiving Can Be Full of Surprises

Oh my GOD the toilet with the seat warmer is really all that and a bag of chips.  Seriously. 

Perspective

I was set to write a post about the awful day I had and how I was feeling really overwhelmed due to a surplus of Bad Things Happening To Me - so much so that I have cried more than once just thinking about how I will manage, which isn't really a good thing when you are, you know, DRIVING - and woe is me cry me a river blaaaaaaaah.

And then I received an e-mail from a friend - the "we were close years ago but haven't kept up with regularly since and not because of a quarrel but because life happens but we still send Christmas cards and sporadic e-mails declaring how we simply MUST see each other!, and soon!, but never do" type of friend.  You know what I mean.

Her younger sister died this week of a heart attack.  She was 26 years old.

I decided not to write that post after all.

I will miss you, Lori. 

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Today is Thanksgiving, or as it is known in England, "Thursday."

I am very thankful.  Why?

I have a family I love even when they drive me crazy sometimes, which they do, but that's okay, because that's what family does, right?   

I now have two beautiful nieces who are my most favorite people in the entire world.  Look up "doting aunt" in the dictionary and you will see my picture.

I also have an embarrassment of friends who are kind, funny, giving, and altogether amazing.  Did I mention that they are also gorgeous, my friends?  Because THEY ARE.  You should see them.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.   Remember to pace yourselves when eating, and to save some for leftovers!

Say It Isn't So

I took this picture at The Grove last Thursday night after West Hollywood SnB.

I do NOT want to live in a world in which Blue-Eyed Soul legends (and one of my all-time favorite groups) Hall & Oates get FIFTH BILLING.  FIFTH!  Unacceptable!

I mean, Five For Fighting?!  Katharine McFreakingPhee?!  HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL?!  Okay, so maybe Santa deserves top-top billing (especially over Snow and Fireworks), but still, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, the Grove?

Grr.

Hall & Oates RULES!

Travelogue Addendum

I forgot to add a few pictures to my various posts as well as list our British TV shows of interest, so here they are for your consumption.  Enjoy!

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Date: Tuesday (11/7)
Location: Mary Quant, Knightsbridge
Why: I happened upon the Mary Quant store after our lunch at the Tea Clipper.  We had just seen the fashion exhibits at the V&A and I had clothes on the brain.

Date: Thursday (11/9)
Location: Tudini Ristorante, Rome
Why: Woodcocks = comedy gold, GOLD!  By the way, woodcocks are meat.  Keep it clean, kids.

Date: Friday (11/10)
Location: Somewhere near our hotel
Why: The depiction of Death seeking, missing, seeking again, and ultimately finding Genderless Figure and killing it?  HILARIOUS.

Date: Friday (11/10)
Location: A street in Chelsea
Why: I love mailboxes, and the Royal Mail ones are so very pretty.

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Good Things We Saw On British TV

1. Have I Got News For You on BBC: It was like a hybrid of The Daily Show and Whose Line Is It Anyway?  The best part of the whole thing?  Guest host Damian Lewis!  Sigh, swoon, drool.  The TV listing in the paper described the dreamy Lewis as "hot ginger actor."  Hee. 
2. The Bill on ITV: It was a crime procedural in the Law & Order vein, but with detectives not nearly as grizzled and tough-as-nails as Lennie Briscoe.  There wasn't enough door-slamming or chair-shoving, nor were there enough interrogation scenes in which the detective gets up in the suspect's face and barks, "TELL ME WHO IS IN CHARGE!!!"  The most notable missing element?  The dramatic music! 
3. Loads of Australian soaps. 
4. The Race on Sky One: Dude.  This show pits celebrities against each other in a race (ha) to see who is the best race car driver!  Three of the contestants are Gary Numan, AC/DC's Brian Johnson, AND Melissa Joan Hart!  How can we not watch?
5. Some sitcom in which an American actress whom we did not recognize has a co-starring role.  Alas, I can't remember the name of the show, either. 
6. And last but certainly not least, a news tease in which the presenter (the British term for news anchor) led with Britney's divorce and followed up with the latest on Al-Qaeda.  Glad to know they have their priorities straight.  Awesome.